the new and improved ouija board will now have emojis on it

me: is anyone there…
ghost: -slaps my hand over to the 😂-

can yall stop writing paragraphs on here. bitch i cannot read

does mace work on birds

if a heron is attacking me will mace be an effective deterrent

time sensitive question please respond

“no homo” I whisper as I look at my garden of pea plants. The progeny had expressed a 1:2:1 ratio of phenotypes. I am Gregor Mendel. 

This joke is lethal

me: i better screenshot this just in case i need to use it for black mail

horses: *is hold*

girl: good afternoon

thirsty boyz: it is a good afternoon haha you are always speakin the truth that’s why i like you =) you’re not like most girls you always tell it like it is and don’t care about other people’s opinions. how are you so cool haha =) anyway i just wanted to let you know you’re a real cool chick you know that right? and you’re really cute btw haha =) 

thanks to anxiety whenever i make a mistake i feel like this